Recently I have been taking part at a bereaved parents meeting, an event I would have never ever wanted to visit - and I guess neither did any of the other participants. Listening to others, who experienced the loss of a child, doesn't really bring me comfort, but at least I realised that I am not the only parent to have experienced such tragedy and that there are others who are feeling the same kind of pain.

I also had to realise though that the wounds in our hearts will never heal. For most participants it had been two, three year, or even more years, yet they still missed their children just as much. I suppose everybody deals with it, because there is no alternative and gets on with each day, but let's face it, our hearts are scarred for life.

Some naive part of me was hoping that in this meeting someone would reveal that this is the worst ever practical joke played on us, and that in reality our children are still alive - or that someone would give me the key to unlock time-travel, - or  at least give me some sort of convincing evidence that our children are really still here with us, even if only in spirit. I don't even know if this would in any way make the loss easier to cope with, yet I am longing to find proof that I will see Lennon again one day. I am so desperate that I have read anything that has come my way, starting from near-death experiences, mediums and fate to as complex issues as metaphysics and relativity theory. There can only be one truth, either there is something - or not. But as I am not the first person to pose these questions I kind of think it is unlikely that I will be the one to unlock the secret of life after death.

Some might think that it doesn't matter to find an answer, yet to me it does. I only ever manage to get through each day at a time. I can accept not seeing Lennon today, but I cannot accept not being able to see him tomorrow, or never. So if I found proof that there is another dimension and he is there, I would at least be comforted by knowing that one day will be that tomorrow and I will be reunited with the child that I love beyond anything, whose little feet I long for to tickle and whose hair I long for to smell.